Source of my confidence? or lack thereof…

I consider myself a fairly confident person in general, but I’m learning that depending on the context I either am or am not. With my first grade students every morning, I am a confident teacher, and confident with who I am as Miss Van Wyhe in general. However, with some high school students I was helping prep for the ACT tonight, I lacked confidence. To help me process what’s going on here as I switch from filled with confidence in myself to feeling like I want to sink into a hole and hide, I’m going to chart out contexts in which I feel the two extremes:

I feel confident…

-as a prayer group leader in band with my peers, or leading a band devotion

-as an elementary teacher–with the students

-with MOST 8th graders

-leading or sharing in college classes (mine and others’)

-tutoring college students

I do NOT feel confident…

-when interacting with other teachers in my school building

-tutoring high school students tonight (because I am unprepared?)

-with small groups of  obstinate 8th graders

-leading bible studies or prayer gatherings for my peers

One of my professors tells me to walk into school buildings (for interviews or student teaching) as if I own the place–to exude confidence. I think what she means is confidence in myself, in the ways I’ve been gifted as a teacher and learner and in WHOSE I am. The word grace comes to mind–I want to be filled with grace and humility that shows itself in a quiet confidence. To be confident is not to be proud, but to trust in who God has created me to be and what he’s gifted me to be able to do.  This is the attitude I will strive for in my final days at the elementary school this semester, and as I go into a new experience in January.

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