Today I picked up journals that are filled with my thoughts over the last 4 years–filled. And the past year? It probably fills a couple pages. I need to write, and I know it, but I haven’t made the time. It’s summer, and I’m a teacher, so it’s time to get back to business.
For today: On missing college, and why I need to write
I really don’t miss being a college student very often. I miss the people I lived with over the years, those I shared so many meals, late night chats, popcorn bowls, and stories with. Now they are spread across the country and the world–from Minnesota to D.C., California to Des Moines, Greece to Britain.
But I also miss my desperate attitude towards my Maker. In those filled journals from college are pleas for help, words that lift up hundreds of people who were struggling at the time and perhaps still are. I filled the journals with questions for the Lord about what his Word meant, and what He was doing with my life. There were words that begged for peace from anxiety and rest from stress. I wrote at night, and during the day. I wrote during church services and centering prayer events, prayer labyrinths and spiritual retreats. I filled my life with spiritual experiences that, of themselves, did nothing, but they gave me opportunities for solitude and subsequent writing. My life is not so stressful and anxious anymore. Nathan and I often talk about how blessed we are at this point in our lives with 2 stable jobs, supportive families, and a delightful marriage. I have time for solitude, but I’m not taking it. I don’t feel like I need it. So my prayer today is for the Lord to force me to my knees. I want to be forced to my knees in prayer to the Lord. He deserves all praise, honor, and glory. I want to give it, but I’m not taking the time. My prayer is still desperate, but not desperate for myself. I’m desperate for my relationship with the Lord to grow. I’m desperate for the closeness that comes from and results in filled journals of prayers to my king. It’s time to write.